Parents preparing for divorce are often quite anxious about custody. The same is true of those going through a breakup after a long-term relationship that involves children. Parents living separately typically need to work out child custody arrangements.
If they cannot agree on how to share time with their children and authority over them, then they have to go to court. Family law judges can establish time-sharing arrangements. They can also allocate financial responsibility in the form of child support and give each parent a degree of decision-making authority.
The main focus for many parents in a contested custody case is optimizing the time they can spend with their children. However, many parents know that their relationships with their children fluctuate over time. If they are going through a tough time with one of their children, do they have to worry about that child choosing to live with the other parent?
Children don’t set their own custody terms
While parents do often want to respect their children’s wishes and the courts consider their preferences, children cannot make decisions about their own upbringing. They generally lack the legal authority to do so until they become adults themselves.
Parents trying to negotiate custody arrangements can consider their children’s wishes. If the matter goes to court, then a judge may also explore the children’s preferences. Family law judges may speak with individual children about their wishes. The older and more mature the children seem, the more weight their preferences may carry.
State statutes do not establish a minimum age at which a child can express their preferences. Judges have to make a decision based on the child’s perceived maturity level and how they explain the basis for their preferences.
Parents can use their court-ordered time-sharing as an opportunity to heal their relationship with their children. In cases where one parent uses the children’s preferences as an excuse for refusing the other time with the children, it may be necessary to enforce the existing custody order or ask a judge to modify it.
Learning more about the terms that apply to contentious child custody cases can help parents advocate for themselves and for their bond with their children. Even parents struggling to connect with their kids have a right to time-sharing in most cases.